Category: Mind

Body, Heart, Mind, Spirit, Uncategorized, Wellness Coaching

I Thought It Was Love

I did some reflecting today on some of the things that sometimes feel like love, but aren’t:

  • Being “chosen”, or “winning” the affection of a partner who is taking (sometimes extended) time to decide on his feelings between you and someone else.
  • Intensity: because they wouldn’t be upset about things if their feelings weren’t hurt, and their feelings wouldn’t be hurt if they didn’t care about me, right? It means he’s really in-touch with his FEELINGS, right? He told me he loves me on our 3rd date and expected to move in after being together for 1 month because he loves me and he knows I’m the one, right? Wrong.
  • Proximity: sometimes when something feels familiar and is accessible in our day-to-day lives, we develop feelings even if it’s a partner we wouldn’t otherwise choose.
  • Unavailability: It’s easy to fantasize about someone who is unavailable, either because of distance, emotional unavailability, or committed to another relationship. By choosing an unavailable person as a love object, you won’t have to face your own fears of commitment and intimacy. You won’t have to face the fact that your partner is a real person with their own wants and needs, and annoying habits, because you subconsciously know the relationship will never get there.
  • Loneliness/ Attachment: if you like the fact that you’re with someone more than you like the person you’re with and/or you are terrified of being alone, it may be clouding your perception of if this is the right partner for you.
  • On/Off, Hot/Cold, Push/Pull Dynamics: do they love me, do they not? It’s not love you’re feeling, but emotional addiction to a pattern of inconsistent attention and affection. It will hold your attention, but ultimately won’t bring you a high quality love relationship.
  • Projection: Do you really love this person and all the amazing qualities they have? Or are you just afraid to claim these qualities in yourself and projecting these qualities on to them.
  • Relief at a reconciliation: When you’re just so happy that they’ve stopped being angry with you/ignoring you, etc. and are treating you like they love you again, sometimes its easy to confuse this with loving them, but it’s just relief. Don’t underestimate how powerful this one is as it can trap people in toxic dynamics.
  • Wanting to fix or help someone become the amazing person you KNOW is in there but they are just having trouble seeing it themselves.
  • Butterflies: it’s not a magical sign that you’ve met the right person, this can just mean your wounding has been triggered.

These things all can feel like love, unless we know better. Sometimes these patterns feel more real than anything you’ve felt before, with ecstatic highs (and crushing lows). But really these are just someone’s behavior activating our own core wounding, which is why it can feel so familiar and so intense.

Healthy love feels calm. Healthy love creates a safe and stable foundation to build and explore physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual connection together. It’s clear about it’s interest and intentions, it mutually respects boundaries and is self aware enough to effectively communicate needs and feelings openly. Healthy love comes from knowing you are inherently worthy and seeing other people the same way.

Body, Heart, Mind, Spirit, Wellness Coaching

The Fall Equinox – An Invitation to Ritual

Happy Fall Equinox!

I happen to be posting this within the hour of the actual equinox. It is officially fall here in the northern hemisphere.

I find fall a challenging season, the waning light is beginning to be noticeable in the the afternoons and the harvesting of fresh vegetables from the garden has mostly passed. I also find it exciting, as I look forward to warming foods and sunny days with low humidity.

Energetically, this period between the fall equinox and Samhain is about beginning to turn inward, reaping the results of what you have worked toward this year, looking back at your efforts, expressing gratitude for what you were able to accomplish, accepting and letting go (for now) of what you were not able to accomplish.

There can be some anxiety that occurs as the days become shorter. There can be disappointment or excitement as we take stock of what we have accomplished. For some of us who love this season particularly, there is looking forward to special meals with friends and family.

To help with the transition into the seasons, I find it important to take time to reflect on the change in seasons, the changes in our bodies, feelings, and environments that may accompany the seasonal shift, and to perform some sort of ritual to welcome in the new season.

A ritual is a beautiful way of acknowledging and honoring the shifting seasons. For those of you who are not accustomed to using the language “ritual”, these are psychologically powerful, intentional behaviors that create awareness around the chosen activity. This can be anything from creating art, singing a song, arranging flowers, taking a walk, or cooking a meal. The point is that these activities are chosen and performed in a way that is aligned with the intention to honor the experience of moving into the autumn season.

My chosen ritual this week was baking spiced banana bread and hearty pot of chicken soup. The warming spices and rich homemade bone broth felt comforting to me and aligned with my feeling perception that autumn is here. I love cinnamon in particular, for the fact that it is both warming and moistening, which is uncommon. I also have plans to make some spiced milk tea from fresh spices I have been collecting over the past few months. I have fresh cinnamon bark, whole nutmeg, and cardamom pods that I am excited to use in preparation for those first colder nights.

I’d like to invite you to reflect on what ritual might be appropriate for you this week, to acknowledge the shift in seasons. Perhaps it’s refreshing the decorations around your house, pulling the box of sweaters and jackets out of the back of your closet, spending a few hours cleaning and organizing, or choosing your favorite bulbs to plant over the winter and spending some time outside, giving friends a gift of apple cider, or meditating on gratitude. What ever you choose, be sure to do it mindfully, with intention and care. Take this time for yourself to breathe and reflect.

I have provided a journal prompt to help you reflect on the year. For those who would like to take a deeper dive into their inner experience, consider these prompts in a quiet, private place which is free of distraction. I would recommend including reflection and exploration of these prompts as part of your ritual activity.

Journal Prompts for the Fall Equinox 2021Download
Body, Mind, Wellness Coaching

What diet is best for me?

Your needs are unique, and depend on your constitution, age, gender, activity levels.

Shift your mindset from trying to find the “best” diet (gently release the need to be right here!), and focus on what works for you. A healthy diet (read: the foods we eat) is a lifestyle, not a set of rules you follow.

This doesnt mean we ignore science, or conventional wisdom about fresh vegetables, healthy fats, water, quality protien, etc. These concepts can guide you on where to start experimenting.

But it does mean that without a connection to your body, and understanding of what works for you, you won’t be making optimal choices. How do you feel when you choose to eat a particular food; how does your body respond? Is it delicious? Does it taste great, but you are low on energy the rest of the day? Does your belly feel tender or painful after particular foods? Are you rushing to the bathroom after mealtimes? Keep in mind a lot of the symptoms we consider to be normal are actually signs from your body that you need to take a closer look at your choices!

Once you have a baseline experience for what health FEELS LIKE in your body, the healthy choices become easier and easier to make. You don’t miss foods because you don’t miss feeling sick/tired. Your taste buds prefer water over sugary drinks. Health becomes a lifestyle!

Body, Heart, Mind, Spirit, Wellness Coaching

Living Your Best Life

It doesn’t make the challenges disappear, but dealing with the challenges can become easier when we are fully resourced. Imagine what your ‘best life’ would look like. How would you feel? What kinds of things would you do day-to-day that you can actually incorporate NOW, that look and feel like your best life? These can be tiny!

– a cup of herbal tea in the morning
– listening to a podcast on a subject you find inspiring/stimulating
– getting some early morning sunshine on your face
– lighting some incense
– eating a meal that makes you feel great
– playing with a pet

Allow yourself to feel grateful and proud of yourself for anything you are able to do today to take care of yourself. Even if some days this means ‘just’ getting out of bed.

If you’re ready to level up, consider these highly impactful activities:

-a walk outside
– a yoga flow
– some light breathwork

These activities will help you work with your mind, your nervous system, and your lung capacity — all critical to health and healing. Youtube has some great (free!) guided yoga and breathwork, and in the future I am considering sharing some of my own practices here.

I have found that when I’m in a negative cycle, it can be hard for me to remember to do these activities! So, I recommend pre-planning. I keep a list of the activities I know help me connect with joy and contentment present in each moment. I can pull this list out when I need a reminder.

These aren’t just “fluffy feel good” activities in the watered down version of “self care” I’m sure we are all tired of. There are real psychological and physiological reasons these things help to center us in tough times, and I look forward to exploring this more in future posts!

Body, Heart, Mind, Spirit, Wellness Coaching

Calling in the Wild Women – New Moon Circles

Are you interested in connecting to your authentic self? Do you consider yourself “spiritual” or at least open minded? Have you found yourself on a journey of self discovery and personal growth? If so, I’m calling you in to attend our next New Moon Circle!

Through history, women have gathered together to connect, share their experiences, learn from each other. We were more aware of our lives being guided by nature, the cycles of the seasons, our bodies, and the moon.

Today, women gather less often and less deeply, and it’s become less acceptable to be fully “wild” (read: authentic, natural, vulnerable, honest) in the world and with each other.

Now is the time to reintegrate these natural cycles into our lives. I’ve seen a renewed interest in gathering women together–circles are forming all over the world. We learn so much about ourselves just by witnessing another woman in her most authentic self. It is my personal belief that these kinds of circles are where real, positive change for ourselves and for the world will be born–through women connecting and remembering how to love our selves and each other, and how to be authentic to our experiences.

To create this opportunity for reconnection to ourselves and each other, I am now facilitating Moon Circles which are held during the new moon each month. This time is an opportunity to slow down, check in with your self, and to set intentions for the upcoming month.

During each Moon Circle, we will gather together for guided meditation and visualization, to encourage reflection and connection to your own internal guidance. You will have an opportunity to share from your heart, if you feel called to. It is powerfully life affirming to be witnessed and supported by others as our authentic selves.

I lead these circles from a shamanic and personal spirituality perspective which is relevant to all who attend, and you are welcome regardless of your religious/spiritual affiliation.

This is an official circle of The Wild Woman Project and you can visit their website for more information on the themes we use in our Moon Circles, or visit my Circle Leader Bio on their page.

This is a safe space, and is open to all who identify as women.

Due to the pandemic, I am currently co-hosting circles online through Zoom with Elaine Marie, a dear friend who is also a Moon Circle facilitator. You are welcome to attend no matter where you live. We have women who join us from all over the US and a few international women too!

If this resonates with you, I would love to have you join us for an upcoming Moon Circle!

Click Here For Current Circle Details